我是外国人

sweet friends in Nanjing

Warning shocker alert personal confession coming: I am not Chinese. Nope I'm not... I'm not Chinese, I'm a 外国人waigouren (literally a foreign country person). Ok, everyone breath! I know I just threw you all for a loop and I want to apologize for anyone who is deeply hurt or confused because they thought I was Chinese. The truth is I'm American, I'm a foreigner. My blonde hair, fair skin, and blue eyes clue most people into that one pretty quickly. If some how you missed the physical difference between me and my 5 million closest friends in this city, the minute I opened my mouth and speak heavily accented Chinese with tones that well just aren't that good you'd know pretty quick. The truth is no one here needs me to tell them I'm not Chinese, its very obvious. China, much unlike America in which anyone could be American, is a country where it is mostly obvious who is not from here, and well I am not. We stick out, we draw attention and we often do things a little different than others.

Now the truth is some Chinese people have never seen or interacted with a foreigner and are naturally curious, shell shocked, scared, nervous, giggly, or mouth opened. This is affected a lot by the are of China you are in, for example in Beijing literally no one bats an eye at the foreigners. In Nanjing, there were lots of foreigners around, especially where we lived, and while we attracted some attention  it was normally not a ton and not every second of the day. Sure there were pictures, small children pulling on their mom's sleeve, and the "hi, hello, giggle giggle giggle" that is to be expected when someone exciting and new walks by but is to be expected when you look drastically different than 1.4 billion people who also call this place home.

my favorite Noodle lady in Nanjing

Moving to Nanchang has been an adjustment for sure in more ways than one, its an adjustment that I'm still making and in all honesty one that is difficult and I don't always enjoy. I miss not only Memphis: my family, my friends, fellowship, my sisters, my car, the ability to communicate, and more; I now miss Nanjing: my team, my friends, my tutor, classmates, my bunny, my apartment (and the view if we are keeping things honest), and the sense of know how to function in China that flys out the window when you move to a new place. So aside from adjusting my ears to a new dialect, figuring out where the nearest grocery store is, learning how to create a lesson plan from scratch, trying to make a way to order and find things I need in a new city I don't quite know totally how to get around yet I'm also learning what its like to be foreigner in a smaller city that doesn't have a ton of foreigners and where it is obvious you don't totally fit here, aren't from here, and will never be Chinese because I am 外国人 (waiguoren), I am 美国人（meiguoren, American, literally translated beautiful country person). Before moving to China I'm not sure how many times I was ever asked 你是哪里人？"where are you from?" but I'm positive it wasn't a daily occurrence and "America" wasn't the answer to the question when it was asked.

I remember when I was little my friends and I would pretend to be famous and being photographed by the popparrazi. We would talk about how cool it would be to be famous and have people you don't know want to take your picture and go out in public and have people speak to you and look at you and tell you how beautiful you are all the time. Well I'm certainly not famous but moving to China has certainly given me more of understanding of what its like to be a circus monkey ... celebrity... err constantly on the other end of a person's cell phone camera. LIVING in a land where you are now obviously the 外国人, you are constantly noticed there's no more quick run into the store, someone not knowing if you've left, you draw more attention on the bus, sidewalk, and just about everywhere. There's no flying under the radar or going unnoticed doing just about anything.

the paparazzi... this one happens to be our
 students in Hong Kong  after camp one day
 but its a normal occurrence 

Being the foreigner in a city (or country) not use to seeing foreigners for essentially the first time makes you realize the small things you take for granted and makes you eternally grateful for those who genuinely want to be your friend, not because its cool to have foreign friends, and those who are willing to go out of their way to help you (because well you need a lot of it when you're pretty much illiterate). The life of a foreigner isn't always an easy one, living in a land where the language, culture, foods, smells, and customs are all well foreign to me is exciting, frustrating, different, and stretching. At times I feel as though I'm not a person but simply a photo prop. There are (several) days (a week) I feel more like a 3 year old than an adult when it comes to communicating and accomplishing "simple, everyday" tasks.  

Jelly and Katyna at our foreigner vs Chinese
basketball game in Nanjing while our summer team
was there

Thankfully "loving the sojourner" is something that most Chinese do well and I am thankful like incredibly thankful. They are patient as I mess up their beautiful language, 你说中文吗？"do you speak Chinese?" is a common question but when followed by my 一点 "just a little" and my vocabulary hinders what I'm trying to find, say or do. This conversation is a frequent one that is  often followed by an apology on their part for not speaking better English, ok like seriously China you're too sweet. I'm trying to learn Chinese and oh you know I live in China and am having this conversation on the street in China; and you're apologizing for not speaking better English. Seriously, when was the last time I ever apologized to a foreigner in America for not speaking their native tongue.... umm pretty sure it never happened.  Or the lady at the grocery store who sees me grab a box of oreos (confession and China oreos are better the American ones I swear... vanilla with strawberry filling yes just yes) and chases me down handing me another as she explains in Chinese something I don't understand. She then pulls me to the actual oreo aisle where there is some sort of sign of 2 for a certain price. I can't quite figure it out but she's persistent I need the second box and I'm pretty sure they are saying their on sell at this point as I graciously take both boxes. Yeah, they're on sell... buy one get one for 2 kuai (or something of the like I'm still not totally sure what the deal was) but thank you kind lady for letting me on to the secret sale on Oreos.

James (my student who got me a new computer chord) and  Mark

Or my student James, who graciously offered to order me a new conversion cord to show power points in class when mine broke during class Tuesday, literally saving me a ton of time and energy. Or my students who take me to lunch  or help order food, the lady who trys to explain the grocery coupons so I can save money, the drink stand guy who teaches me to say my favorite drink and remembers to leave out the aloe I dislike, or my sweet tutor who took off work to help me move, and well I could keep going the list is massive. So thank you China for loving me and others well,  and sorry that I tend to forget how genuinely good you are at doing that most days. I'm still adjusting to life as a foreigner and I guarantee I'm not the perfect one to watch, in fact most days I wish that whole watching thing didn't happen; but I'm learning what that means and I'll try to keep smiling when I see the cell phone cameras come out and try to not notice.